Happy New Year, Let's Have a Fresh Start

Annyeonghaseyo! It's been a while since the last time I updated this blog. Well, because we've just celebrated idul fitri, and before the smell is gone, I would like to apologize for what I've done. Let's have a fresh start just now. Starting from 0-0 again. In Islamic calendar, it's still new year, right? So, I will pretend this post as the first post this year.

Where should I start? I was about doing my translation then. But when I checked my email, it hasn't been there. So, while waiting for it, I want to share something about my life first. Shortly, in Bahasa, it's called curhat. The following story is just a little story about my life. Surely I won't be able to retell the whole because my brain is not that good in memorizing.

My "School" Life
When I wrote "school" life, it doesn't mean that I'm still in college or something. It's the school where I've been working. To be short, I'm working in one of famous Islamic elementary school (hehehe) in Cibubur, teaching 2nd graders. My students are very unique. I will tell some.

Uma is one of my students who likes to nag. What's been nagged? Yeah, her physical condition. Basically, she's okay. But she likes to say that she's sick. This happens everyday. Please note, everyday. Even one day, she called me by herself saying that she's sick. OMG--students nowadays.

Day 1
Uma: "Ms, I feel sick. I have a headache..." (touching her forehead)
Me: "Oh, what a pity. Let me walk you to the School Health Unit." (worried) 

Day 2
Uma: "Ms, I don't know, there is a problem with my hand." (holding her hand)
Me: "What happened?" (checking her hand, found nothing, realized something)
Uma: "I don't understand, it suddenly feels bad."
Me: "Okay, just sit on your chair. It will be gone soon." 

Day 3
Uma: "Ms, I am dizzy. I want to throw up."
Me: "You're gonna be okay. Don't kid too much with your friends."
Uma: "Really Ms. My head is sick."
Me: "You just had kidded to much with your friends. Believe me, you're okay."
Uma: "No Ms. I want to throw up. I want to throw up if my friends are noisy."
Me: "..." 

Day 4
Uma: "Ms, I've got a fever." (touching her forehead)
Me: "Let me see..." (touching her forehead, found she's okay)
Uma: (showing pity face)
Me: "No, you're okay." (leaving her)

Uma has two best friends. One in my class (Agita), and one in other class (Sasha). They like a third grader boy named Rafa. One day, Uma and Sasha wrote a letter to Rafa. Knowing this, Agita was really angry. She didn't except that they didn't put her name in the letter. Agita and Uma argued until they cried. And finally, Uma ripped the letter into pieces, cried and shouted: "Look! It's already ripped. Are you satisfied?! Look!" Hahahahahahaha. It looked like a scene from a drama.

There are lots of stories about my class everyday. It won't be enough to write it here. My students are way too unique. They like to fight, they never shut up, they like to nag, they like to cry, they like to share foods, they like to make me (and Ms Fiyya--my colleague) exhausted and thirsty. Well, but I love them all.

My students' parents are nice too. They are very generous, hehehe. Before Idul Fitri holiday, they share some presents, cookies, and angpao to me and Ms Fiyya. I was very happy because before I used to open my mom's presents, and now I had mine. So far, I like being here. I learn a lot.

My "Home" Life
Home doesn't mean that I already form a family. Hehe. It's about my life as a daughter of Mr Purwo and Mrs Fajar. They are glad to know that I'm working in my working place right now. They said that it's good to make me better.

As a working daughter, I feel that I'm supposed to give some of my money to my parents as a form that I want to reply what they've done. Unfortunately, I am still not able to do that. First, because my salary is much much much lower than my parents. Second, because I have been using it to pay my two-wheels-vehicle installment. Third, because...hm...I think the first reason is the main reason... :'(

My "Friendship" Life
I miss my friends so much. We seldom meet, but luckily we can keep in touch with the help of technology. However, it feels not enough because I like meeting them directly, sharing each others' updates, hehehe. Hm, I think I will see them today, or tomorrow.

My "Love" Life
Hm, what should I say. It's getting better and better. Just like the ocean, it's never dry. He's getting busy, but I can understand that he has to finish his study. I believe him, and I believe that he won't make me disappointed.

A couple days ago, I went to his house and met his parents. I was so nervous, but I think it went well. That was the first time his dad asked something directly to me. Whoaaa... I couldn't feel my stomach! >_<

"TIME FOR A FRESH START-YEAR ZERO"

Well, I want to be better and better. I will do my best to be the best for my best mans--my family, my boyfriend, my friends, my students, everyone that I love and who love me. Okay, I think this is the end of this post. I hope you don't get bored because it seems that I will be back as a blogger and update this blog as often as possible. Hehehe. Adios! *widyakilaz*

At least I have something to focus on...

While everyone has started their lives, I'm still here doing nothing. Not literally nothing, but people keep saying that. Yeah, I'm still jobless. Reason? Haha. Because I am not too eager to find one--again, that what people keep saying. I don't fully agree, yeah of course I am eager to find a job. Umm, I just a little bit picky about the schools. I am sure I will get a job soon.

And I am not doing nothing. At least I have something to focus on. I have much progress in running my little business. I have a settled place and a tent now so I am no longer worried about the security tax charged by some particular organizations and the weather. This stuff is in line with my resolutions, so I can't do this carelessly. I hope someday this business will grow bigger and bigger and bigger and bigger than now. Amen. **widyakilaz**

*****

Six more days, Uda will come home. I can't wait for that. I miss him so much! No one can imagine how it feels. Maybe it's just me and him (and them who walk on a long-distance relationship) who know how it feels. More than four months, what a record for me! I couldn't stand not meeting him for more than a week before. But now, I try to accept the reality that I can't meet him everyday anymore. It's hard, but I can do it, right? Maybe it's what is called sacrifice. And, how about belief? I think we can say that too. It's the belief that makes us believe that someday we can be together, however now we're far apart. And it's love that makes us strong and warm and comfortable, that makes us take care of each other's heart from being uneasy. I can't believe you're coming home, sleepyhead! :-*

I should have asked about what's bothering me. I hate uncertainty.

Hari ini adalah hari ketiga gw patah hati setelah Rabu kemaren dia berstatus in relationship with blablabla. Nggak ngerti. Terlalu mendadak. Shocked banget sampe gak bisa mikir. Sampe gak bisa nangis juga. Tiba-tiba aja semua kayak berhenti, semua plain, kecuali udara karena gw jadi ngerasa suasana jadi agak pengap.

Beberapa saat kemudian, gw baru bisa mikir. Gw baru bisa bertanya-tanya. Campur aduk pertanyaan yang ada di otak gw. Pertanyaan paling pertama muncul adalah "apa bener dia jadian sama cewek itu..?" dan gw gak bisa nahan diri lagi untuk gak nanya langsung. Pastinya, gw gak berani telpon, karena gw tau pertanyaan itu gak mungkin bisa keluar. Malem itu, gw langsung sms dia. Gak ada balesan. Gw tunggu terus, sampe pagi. Tetep gak ada balesan. Sekitar jam setengah 4 pagi, gw tidur dengan sejuta kemungkinan. Kemungkinan yang mengganggu.

Pagi itu adalah hari pertama gw menstruasi. Perut gw sakit. Hati gw sakit. Tapi sakit perut gw bisa ngalahin sakit hati gw... *Hehehe. Soalnya emang sakit banget sih... :p Pagi itu rasanya lengkap sudah penderitaan gw. Perut sakit. Hati sakit. Kepala juga sakit. Terus gw baru inget, empat hari berturut-turut gw kehujanan. Gak sampe basah kuyup juga sih, tapi gw selalu males kalo langsung mandi. Jadi gw tunggu sampe badan gw kering. Kayaknya itu penyebabnya...

Karena suasana yang gak oke, fisik yang gak sehat, mood yang mati, perasaan yang kacau balau, gw memutuskan untuk gak ke sekolah. Saat itulah ada sms masuk. Dari dia. Jawabannya? Lebih membuat sakit hati. Maaf baru bales, blablabla... Hahaha. Emang kenapa? Hari itu gw gak nafsu makan sama sekali. Tapi gw gak mungkin gak makan sama sekali. Gw memutuskan untuk pulang. Gw mampir di McD, menyantap french fries dan coke float sebagai makan pagi dan makan siang gw.

Maaf baru bales, blablabla... Hahaha. Emang kenapa?

Hal yang sampe sekarang gak masuk akal buat gw adalah, pertanyaan emang kenapa yang dia tulis. What the fuck. What the hell. Apa dia lupa gimana perasaan gw? Gila. Parahnya, gw gak bisa benci dia. Yang bisa gw lakuin hanya menghindar. Meskipun susahnya luar biasa.

Pagi ini bertambah lagi hal yang bikin gw bingung. Ada 1 missed call di hape gw. Gw buka, ternyata dari dia. Bingung. Jadi gw tanya kenapa. Dia bales singkat. Trus dia nelpon gw. Tumben banget. Gw pikir pasti ada sesuatu yang penting, ada yang mau diomongin atau apa. Tapi sampe setengah jam dia nelpon, gak ada sesuatu halpun yang aneh. Dia cuma cerita dia lagi di mana, lagi ngapain, kenapa semalem gw gak online, gw yang lagi sakit, dy belom makan, dan sebagainya. Gak ada yang aneh. Malah cenderung gak penting. Ngobrol kayak gitu, buat apa? Sebelumnya gak pernah. Ngobrol gak penting sampe nelpon segala. Paling sms, atau chat. Mau apa dia? Harusnya saat itu gw nanya tentang hal yang mengganggu pikiran gw. Gw benci ketidakpastian. -kilaz-