For the Gentlemen in My Life: Thanks to You

People kept saying that yesterday was strange. Yeah, I kinda agree to that. Everyone got upset. Me was no exception. But thanks to you and dad, for the way different supports given to me.

My dad used to giving me objective opinion about something I'm whining and nagging about. Surprisingly, he didn't do something like that yesterday when I told him about someone who made me annoyed the other day. He said that there is a type of someone like that. I assumed he still remembered that I had told him the similar story with the similar person when I was still studying. He taught me some tips to get around with that--something honest, something hidden, and something whipping.

It went differently with my boyfriend. It went so objective that I got mad at him. Hehehe. I'm terribly sorry dear. Sometimes I just want to whine and nag without knowing whether or not I'm true. I cried because I disappointed with your response, not because my failure of getting in the school. I'm totally fine with that. I knew it before I got myself in, but I really had the desire to try because I was still afraid. I still can't handle my nervousness. And by following the test, I beat one of it.

You know, I am very grateful to have both of you. Danke. **widyakilaz**

Blood Donation: Am I able to do it?

Last night, my brother said that a couple days ago he went to PMI (Palang Merah Indonesia) in purpose to donate his blood. Unfortunately, his Hb (hemoglobin) was too high that he was not be able to donate. Moreover, I have just also visited Indry's blog. I read her post about her donating her blood.

Your blood saves others' lives.

I have been interested in donating too. But, I am afraid to go there by myself (hehehe, so immature). Despite the fact, I have low blood pressure too. I'm still curious whether or not I am able to donate my blood. I really want to. You may say that I just follow others, but I think following others' good habit is also good, isn't it? **widyakilaz**

Ngawas TO, Body Rafting, Webcaman

Hari ini gw pulang cepet. Ternyata semua kelas XI hari ini libur, soalnya kelas XIInya lagi TO UN. Tau gitu nggak usah berangkat deh tadi. Masih ngantuk banget! Sebenernya ada untungnya sih gw dateng, soalnya gw jadi pengawas TO, and it means gw bakalan dapet duit jajan. Hehehehe. Lumayanlan. Nothing to lose.

Oh iya, tadi Bu Tjandra sama Bu Nia ngajakin body rafting di Sukabumi (sama beberapa guru "muda" yang lainnya). Kemungkinan sih bulan Mei. Asiikk, kalo yang ngajak guru2 pasti dibolehin nih sama Ibu-Bapak. Mudah2an aja nanti jadi. Another praynya sih semoga perginya pas gw punya duit. Hehehe. AMIN.

 

Btw, sekarang gw lagi webcaman ngeliatin pacar ngerjain tugas. Hihihi. Kasian, tugasnya banyak. Dosennya kejam. Pelajarannya bikin pusing. Baru sebulan kuliah, udah kurusan aja. Ckckck.

Maaf ya sayang, aku nggak bisa bantu apa2. Cuma bisa kasih semangat. Kerja keras kamu akan terbayar kok nanti. I'll wait you here, my prince. \(^o^)/

 Oke deh. I think I'll end this post. Pegel. Sampe nanti ya, friends! :-D **widyakilaz**

At least I have something to focus on...

While everyone has started their lives, I'm still here doing nothing. Not literally nothing, but people keep saying that. Yeah, I'm still jobless. Reason? Haha. Because I am not too eager to find one--again, that what people keep saying. I don't fully agree, yeah of course I am eager to find a job. Umm, I just a little bit picky about the schools. I am sure I will get a job soon.

And I am not doing nothing. At least I have something to focus on. I have much progress in running my little business. I have a settled place and a tent now so I am no longer worried about the security tax charged by some particular organizations and the weather. This stuff is in line with my resolutions, so I can't do this carelessly. I hope someday this business will grow bigger and bigger and bigger and bigger than now. Amen. **widyakilaz**

*****

Six more days, Uda will come home. I can't wait for that. I miss him so much! No one can imagine how it feels. Maybe it's just me and him (and them who walk on a long-distance relationship) who know how it feels. More than four months, what a record for me! I couldn't stand not meeting him for more than a week before. But now, I try to accept the reality that I can't meet him everyday anymore. It's hard, but I can do it, right? Maybe it's what is called sacrifice. And, how about belief? I think we can say that too. It's the belief that makes us believe that someday we can be together, however now we're far apart. And it's love that makes us strong and warm and comfortable, that makes us take care of each other's heart from being uneasy. I can't believe you're coming home, sleepyhead! :-*

Nowhere to Go?

 I really have to find another place to go.
As soon as I can.
Another place where I belong,
where I can do what I want,
where I can always be myself.
All the time.
No lies.
-kilaz

A song for your suck ex-lover: I'm not sorry there's nothing to save...

I've found a song when I was watching Daydream Nation movie. The song is cool. It tells about Someone who meet his/her ex-lover long after they broke up. The ex was suck. (S)he left Someone for unknown reasons. It left the worst pain for Someone. But after some times, everything's changed. Someone's turned from an ugly duckling into a lovely swan. When they meet again, the ex sees the change, but the wound which the ex made would never be healed flown away. "It's a fleck on my porcelain skin." Someone said.

This is the song: Your Ex-Lover is Dead by Stars.

God that was strange to see you again
Introduced by a friend of a friend
Smiled and said 'yes I think we've met before'
In that instant it started to pour

Captured a taxi despite all the rain
We drove in silence across Pont Champlain
And all of the time you thought I was sad
I was trying to remember your name...

This scar is a fleck on my porcelain skin
Tried to reach deep but you couldn't get in
Now you're outside me
You see all the beauty
Repent all your sin

It's nothing but time and a face that you lose
I chose to feel it and you couldn't choose
I'll write you a postcard
I'll send you the news
From a house down the road from real love...

Live through this, and you won't look back...
Live through this, and you won't look back...
Live through this, and you won't look back...

There's one thing I want to say, so I'll be brave
You were what I wanted
I gave what I gave

I'm not sorry I met you
I'm not sorry it's over
I'm not sorry there's nothing to save
I'm not sorry there's nothing to save...

Now, Someone has forgotten the ex. Someone's moved on. For someone, the ex is dead. The scar is still there, but Someone will never be the same. The ex? The ex lives in regret. How poor.  -kilaz

Unauthorized Projects

Created on March 13th 2011

To SORE, welcome back again to my life!

Sore, sebuah band indie yang mewakili seluruh euforia di sore hari--matahari terbenam, langit merah, udara sejuk, (kadang) rintik hujan, dan lelah--waktu di mana kita rindu rumah dan bermalas-malasan. Sangat menyenangkan mendengarkan lagu-lagu mereka di sore hari, ditemani dengan novel-novel kesayangan kita, dan segelas susu cokelat hangat--seperti yang kerap saya lakukan tiga tahun yang lalu saat masih menjadi freshman di kampus--sungguh waktu-waktu yang indah dan mengenangkan. Namun, kesibukan membuat saya lupa akan euforianya! Setiap hari, tugas dan kewajiban menggerogoti waktu saya yang cuma 24 jam per hari dan mengucapkan salam perpisahan kepada mereka.

Hari ini, sungguh mengejutkan, tiba-tiba saja saya terkenang oleh sebuah lagu Sore kesayangan saya--Etalase. Lagu yang sarat makna namun sederhana--tentang hidup, dan kenyataan bahwa tidak semua hal berjalan seperti yang kita harapkan. Seperti yang pernah saya katakan, "things do happen in life", dan kita tidak bisa menghindarinya. Semuanya mengalir, menjadi sebuah pembelajaran, dan dikenang sebagai sesuatu yang menjadikan kita manusia.

Etalase, Sore

Semua kisah yang pernah lalui hidupku
Semua cinta yang pernah
Engkau rasakan, dalam kisahmu
Pahit dan manismu,
Lalui…

Semua teman yang engkau sayang dan tinggalkan
Sengaja atau tidak, dirimu
Pernah lalui, cerita yang haru
Yang semua alami

Dan kita coba kenangi semua,
Walau t’lah tiada
Bagai etalase jendela…

Kau pernah kenal seorang yang sangat kau sayang
Kau pernah kenal seorang
Yang sangat kau benci, terasa perih
Hingga otakmu,
Meledak!

Semua sahabat yang pernah menghangatkan hidup
Satu persatu, menghilang…
Seiring waktu yang makin lama
Kian menua

Tapi kita coba kenangi semua,
Walau t’lah tiada
Bagai etalase jendela…

Begitulah, band kesayangan saya bercerita tentang hidup, semua terbingkai dalam sebuah etalase jendela, seperti saya mengenangi kalian semua. -kilaz

You can go wherever you want to go. If you're already tired, you know where you can always find me!

Ini bukan bullshit. Paling tidak untuk sekarang. Karena aku sedang mencintaimu. -kilaz-

If you'll be my star, I'll be your sky

You can hide underneath me

and come out at night

And I'll turn jet black, when you show off your light

I live to let you shine, I live to let you shine

And you can skyrocket away from me

And never come back if you find another galaxy

Far from here, with more rooms to fly

Just leave me your stardust to remember you by

If you'll be my boat, I'll be your sea

The depth of pure blue just to probe curiosity

Ebbing and flowing and push by a breeze

I live to make you free, I live to make you free

And you can set sail to the west if you want to

And past the horizon, 'til I cant even see you

Far from here, where the beaches are wide

Just leave me your awake to remember you by

-Boats and Birds, Gregory and the Hawk-

Invisible to everyone doesn't matter...

Udah jadi kebiasaan bagi gw untuk online sambil ngerjain tugas. Dan udah jadi kebiasaan juga pas gw mulai ngantuk gw akan mengajak salah satu atau salah dua temen gw yang lagi online to have a conversation. Selain bisa ngilangin ngantuk, chatting bisa bikin gw ngerasa "masih punya temen" di malam yang sepi dan menyeramkan. Haha! However, semalem gw sengaja sign in dengan mode invisible to everyone. Gw juga gak meng-online-kan facebook gw. Tujuannya: untuk mengurangi gw dari ketergantungan chatting-while-studying dan memfokuskan diri pada apa yang lagi gw kerjain. Gimanapun, chatting memperlambat kinerja gw dalam mengerjakan tugas. So, wish me luck! -kilaz-

You fall in love. You don't know what to do.

Contagious

by Avril Lavigne 

When you're around I don't know what to do
I do not think that I can wait
To go over and to talk to you
I do not know what I should say
And I walk out in silence
That's when i start to realize
What you bring to my life
Damn this guy can make me cry
[Chorus]
It's so contagious
I cannot get it out of my mind
It's so outrageous
You make me feel so high
All the time
They all say that you're no good for me
But I'm too close to turn around
I'll show them they don't know anything
I think I've got you figured out
So I walk out in silence
That's when i start to realize
What you bring to my life
Damn this guy can make me smile
[Chorus]
I'll give you everything
I'll treat you right
If you just give me a chance
I can prove I'm right
[Chorus X2]
All the time

Contagious. Salah satu Lagu Avril Lavigne di albumnnya The Best Damn Thing. Pas banget buat orang yang lagi jatuh cinta dah nggak tau harus berbuat apa. Hehe. Ada lagi nih lagu yang sejenis dengan genre yang berbeda. Pasti udah tau kan lagu When You Love Someonenya Endah n Rhesa di album Nowhere to Go? Hoho. Jadi, kalo kamu lagi ngalamin kejadian ini, saatnya membiarkan kedua lagu ini mengalun di playlist kita! :) -kilaz-

When You Love Someone

by Endah n Rhesa 

I love you but it's not so easy to make you here with me
I wanna touch and hold you forever
But you're still in my dream
And I can't stand to wait ‘till nite is coming to my life
But I still have a time to break a silence
When you love someone
Just be brave to say that you want him to be with you
When you hold your love
Don't ever let it go
Or you will loose your chance
To make your dreams come true...
I used to hide and watch you from a distance and i knew you realized
I was looking for a time to get closer at least to say... “hello”
And I can't stand to wait your love is coming to my life
When you love someone
Just be brave to say that you want him to be with you
When you hold your love
Don't ever let it go
Or you will loose your chance
To make your dreams come true...
And I never thought that I'm so strong
I stuck on you and wait so long
But when love comes it can't be wrong
Don't ever give up just try and try to get what you want
Cause love will find the way....
When you love someone
Just be brave to say that you want him to be with you
When you hold your love
Don't ever let it go
Or you will loose your chance
To make your dreams come true...

The World of Black and White

"Sometimes, it's hard to tell the truth..."

"It's not about anything but revenge..."

"I can't always be a good girl..."

"Maybe women seem to be fragile, but actually they're unbelievably unbreakable!"

Ini beberapa foto yang gw edit pake photoshop. Memang terkesan kaku, tapi beberapa hal di dunia ini memang tidak punya warna. Hanya ada hitam dan putih saja. -kilaz-

"Gw janji gw gak akan jadi guru yang semena-mena."

Maybe I will scream like this...

I don't know where to begin. I just can't hold this anymore. This is my very critical time, and I just wanna scream and yell at everything and everyone. I've never felt this frustrated before about tasks! Doing the syllabus analysis for Curriculum and Syllabus Designing (CSD) final test was the one and only thing that was so frustrating that made me cry. And now, I feel like I can't make it. This is bad. Anybody, cheer me up please! -kilaz-