What does "past" mean exactly? I have no idea.

Tired. Too tired. I'm tired, but I can't take my eyes off of it. It hurts. Pushing my heart so bad that I can't breath. Past is past. But the past was when I was already there. I don't know how I should feel about this. It lasted, but it still hurts. Yeah, it hurts. And you know what? I didn't regret hating both of them. Or should it be three? He was a jerk once, conciously or unconciously, I don't know. Yeah like I said, past is past. I know it doesn't matter now, but it still hurts me. **widyakilaz** 

I can't help myself out of this heartache. So please, darling. Heal me.

*For you, I'm sorry. I know you love me, but I still can't forget everything. The more I drown myself to it, the more hurt I am. I want to hear your voice, because It strengthen me. But you're busy studying so I just can't tell you right now. I dont want to trouble you, yes I don't. At least you know that I love you. So much. Yeah, I love you that much, thus we need to talk (again). There's still something inside my heart which hasn't gone yet. I need you. I need an answer.

What is wrong with you?

You looked unusual today.
You were cold.
You were not cheerful.
You didn't laugh at my silly joke.
You made me worried Honey.
Were you mad at me?
Two days ago, everything seemed okay.
Until yesterday night.
I was being dumb again.
But, we were cool about that.
Hey Honey, I felt like in hell when you were like this.
I felt very guilty.
I really wanted to hear your laugh again.
I didn't want to be like this.
I hated such situation.
I LOVE YOU HONEY.

Date: June, 5th 2011
Time: 10.15 PM

**********

Tuhkan bener. Kamu bilang kamu lagi nggak kenapa2, cuma capek. Ternyata emang lagi bete. Untung semuanya udah beres, hehe. Kamu jangan gitu lagi ah. Kok jadi ketularan aku sih... Well, the best part after fighting is that our love always grows up more and more. -kilaz

What the hell, I am being super sensitive again!

Am I too much if...

...I want to know every single things about you?
...I want to know about what's bothering you?
...I want to be your shoulder to cry on?
...I am jealous when you offer to pick up another girl so easily?
...I don't want you to be with me only when you're happy?
...I want to be the first person who knows everything about you?
...I want you to tell me your things, good or bad?

Damn. I am being super sensitive again, almost because of the same topic. I hate to feel this actually. But I can't help myself out. Do you know? I...sometimes cannot feel your love--when this feeling comes up. I feel being ignored. I feel that you don't need me like I need you. Sometimes I feel that you don't have time for me. But for your friends, you always do. Well, I know that I am not as precious as your friends who have known you for years. I'm new in your life. Should I ask you to choose: me or your friends?? This is too much. If I am asked the same questions, maybe I prefer to die. Arrghh...  I think I am just being silly. I still love you. Not even reduced. -kilaz

This is what I accidentally found...

Pas lagi buka-buka tumblrnya temen-temen, gw nemuin tumblr-gw-sendiri. Hahaha. Gw aja lupa pernah bikin. Ternyata, akun yang gw bikin sekitar empat bulan yang lalu itu punya satu postingan yang menarik. Judulnya, Hello, World!. Isinya? Hehe. Nih, kayak gini nih:

"I'm just an ordinary girl. But somehow, I'm special..."

Hmm,  kalo dipikir-pikir, quote gw di atas keren juga. Hihihi. (narsis) -kilaz

I don't know what "not sokute" means, but this is beautiful and silly...

Ada yang tau siapa Stephanie Sokolinski? Gak ada yang tau?? Gak papa kok. Sini gw kenalin. Nah, ini dia fotonya. Gimana? Lucu kan? Hehehe.

Cewek ini lahir tahun 1985 dan berasal dari Perancis. Dia ini penyanyi indie bergenre folk. And I love folk for sure! Hehe. Soko, begitu dia biasa disebut punya suara yang unik, lembut, manja, kayak anak kecil, tapi merdu. Lagu-lagunya lucu, dengan sentuhan gitar akustik dan lirik yang catchy, girlie, naughty, simple, fun, but sometimes and somehow...sad. Coba aja cek lagu-lagunya dia kayak I'll Kill Her, Shitty Day, It's raining Outside, The Dandy Cowboy, dan Take My Heart. Kocak banget deh! Baru pertama kali denger aja, gw langsung suka!!! :)

Pertama kali tau Soko, pas gw lagi maen ke rumah temen gw Maera (I call her May). Kalo lo ngaku suka folk dan akustik, jangan sampe ketinggalan sama penyanyi yang satu ini deh. Dan jangan lupa juga cek Club 8, Gregory and the Hawk, dan A Fine Frenzy juga. Kerenlah pokoknya. Jangan ngaku suka folk kalo belom denger lagu-lagu mereka! :D :D -kilaz-

Check this lyrics out! :)

Title: I'll Kill Her

Singer: SoKo

Album: Not Sokute

so, of course, you were supposed to call me tonight
you were supposed to call me tonight
we would have gone to the cinema
and, after, to the restaurant, the one you like in your street

we would have slept together, have a nice breakfast together
and then a walk in a park together, how beautiful is *that*!
you would have said "i love you" in the cutest place on earth
where some *little boys* are dancing with the fairies

i would have waited like a week or two
but you never tried to reach me
no, you never called me back
you were dating that bleach-blonde girl
if i find her, i swear, i swear...

i'll kill her, i'll kill her
she stole my future, she broke my dream
i'll kill her, i'll kill her
she stole my future when she took you away

i would have met your friends, we would have had a drink or two
they would have liked me, 'cause sometimes i'm funny
i would have met your dad, i would have met your mum
she would have said "please, can you make some beautiful babies?"

so we would have had a boy called tom and a girl called susan, born in japan

i *thought* it was a love story, but you don't want to get involved
i *thought* it was a love story, but you're not ready for that ...

me neither. i'll kill her
she stole my future, she broke my dream
i'll kill her, i'll kill her
she stole my future when she took you away

she's a bitch you know, all she's got is blondeness
not even tenderness, yeah, she's clever-less
she'll dump your arse for a model called brendan
he will pay for beautiful surgery 'cause he's full of money

i would have waited like a week or two
but you never tried to reach me
no, you never called me back
you were dating that bleach-blonde girl
if i find her, i swear, you know, i swear, i swear ...

i'll kill her, i'll kill her
she stole my future, she broke my dream
i'll kill her, i'll kill her
she stole my future when she took you away
i'll kill her, i'll kill her
she stole my future, she broke my dream
i'll kill her, i'll kill her
she stole my future when she took you away

man, i told you, you know, if i find her,
i really, i, i mean, i'll kill her, for real!
it's like for sure, you have to know, uh,
i mean, you know, i can do it, man,
i'll kill her.

I care, but you don't. Then, what should I do? I miss you more than words can say.

Huh. Kebiasaan deh. Kalo lagi sendirian, jadi mellow. Trus investigate yang gak perlu dan malah ujung-ujungnya bikin sedih.

Hmm... Actually, I miss a friend of mine. Lately, he's gone. He seems to avoid me. I don't know why. I am sad. I really am. But I don't have a bravery to ask. He has been so nice to me. Maybe I have asked too much so he left. I wish I can turn back time, and never asked things he didn't want to do. I wish I could fix everything so I can still have him beside me.

God, I miss my friend so badly. Maybe I wasn't grateful before. But, I beg you, please give him back to me. I promise I will protect this relationship better. -kilaz-

You fall in love. You don't know what to do.

Contagious

by Avril Lavigne 

When you're around I don't know what to do
I do not think that I can wait
To go over and to talk to you
I do not know what I should say
And I walk out in silence
That's when i start to realize
What you bring to my life
Damn this guy can make me cry
[Chorus]
It's so contagious
I cannot get it out of my mind
It's so outrageous
You make me feel so high
All the time
They all say that you're no good for me
But I'm too close to turn around
I'll show them they don't know anything
I think I've got you figured out
So I walk out in silence
That's when i start to realize
What you bring to my life
Damn this guy can make me smile
[Chorus]
I'll give you everything
I'll treat you right
If you just give me a chance
I can prove I'm right
[Chorus X2]
All the time

Contagious. Salah satu Lagu Avril Lavigne di albumnnya The Best Damn Thing. Pas banget buat orang yang lagi jatuh cinta dah nggak tau harus berbuat apa. Hehe. Ada lagi nih lagu yang sejenis dengan genre yang berbeda. Pasti udah tau kan lagu When You Love Someonenya Endah n Rhesa di album Nowhere to Go? Hoho. Jadi, kalo kamu lagi ngalamin kejadian ini, saatnya membiarkan kedua lagu ini mengalun di playlist kita! :) -kilaz-

When You Love Someone

by Endah n Rhesa 

I love you but it's not so easy to make you here with me
I wanna touch and hold you forever
But you're still in my dream
And I can't stand to wait ‘till nite is coming to my life
But I still have a time to break a silence
When you love someone
Just be brave to say that you want him to be with you
When you hold your love
Don't ever let it go
Or you will loose your chance
To make your dreams come true...
I used to hide and watch you from a distance and i knew you realized
I was looking for a time to get closer at least to say... “hello”
And I can't stand to wait your love is coming to my life
When you love someone
Just be brave to say that you want him to be with you
When you hold your love
Don't ever let it go
Or you will loose your chance
To make your dreams come true...
And I never thought that I'm so strong
I stuck on you and wait so long
But when love comes it can't be wrong
Don't ever give up just try and try to get what you want
Cause love will find the way....
When you love someone
Just be brave to say that you want him to be with you
When you hold your love
Don't ever let it go
Or you will loose your chance
To make your dreams come true...