Enjoying Our Priceless Lives: "I wanna see the world."

Time flies. We can't turn it back. But we can worth it by choosing how we're gonna spend. For some peoples, it's Eat, pray, love. For some others, Work hard, play harder, pray hardest will go representing. And for me? Hehehe. I think I'm gonna mix them up. Okay, let's go to the first part of my enjoying life phases.

"I wanna see the world."

I like traveling. I wanna see the world. I wanna go visiting places every year. Last year, I went to Singapore with my friends. We stayed for 4 days and 3 nights. We had so much fun. The country was so well organized. Everywhere was clean. To go everywhere was very easy. To have fun in the park and amusement park was fun. To shop was great. Except the food, our backpacking was quite perfect. I went there with my Campus Girls: Defi, Fela, Tami, Een, and Tyas.

Universal Studio Singapore: October 10th 2011

This year, we will Visit Kuala Lumpur Malaysia. Will will depart on August 30th and stay there for 5 days and 4 nights. There will be only 3 of us: Tami, Defi, and Me. But we're sure having fun there.

Next year? I don't know where we will go. But it seems that Bangkok Thailand will be a great next destination. But who knows? Plan is plan. The reality comes more real.

We can make our lives valuable if we want to. Don't let it wasted for nothing. See you in the next phase in the next post. Ciao! **widyakilaz**

For the Gentlemen in My Life: Thanks to You

People kept saying that yesterday was strange. Yeah, I kinda agree to that. Everyone got upset. Me was no exception. But thanks to you and dad, for the way different supports given to me.

My dad used to giving me objective opinion about something I'm whining and nagging about. Surprisingly, he didn't do something like that yesterday when I told him about someone who made me annoyed the other day. He said that there is a type of someone like that. I assumed he still remembered that I had told him the similar story with the similar person when I was still studying. He taught me some tips to get around with that--something honest, something hidden, and something whipping.

It went differently with my boyfriend. It went so objective that I got mad at him. Hehehe. I'm terribly sorry dear. Sometimes I just want to whine and nag without knowing whether or not I'm true. I cried because I disappointed with your response, not because my failure of getting in the school. I'm totally fine with that. I knew it before I got myself in, but I really had the desire to try because I was still afraid. I still can't handle my nervousness. And by following the test, I beat one of it.

You know, I am very grateful to have both of you. Danke. **widyakilaz**

2012: ME AGAINST THE WORLD

It's new year, finally. Two thousand and twelve, the number mentioned a lot years before because of the doom's day issue. Me? I don't really believe in the gossip, but I believe it as the more challenging year than before. Well, just like the other people, I just wanna be better and live a better life. I had all my resolutions done last years, and I hope my resolutions this year will be better than done.

1. Get a job. Be an inspiring teacher.
2. Expand my 'little' business. Be more serious and innovative in running it.
3. Build my insight. Backpack to another country.
4. Have a new look for my room. Design it the way I like.

Yeah! That's what has been written, but not a boundaries of getting bigger achievement. Dreams will definitely come true, only as long as we make efforts on it. For me, dreams will guide me to know what to do and how to reach it.

By the way, it's not only me who makes new year resolution. Hihihi... My MP also get me to make  a new year resolution for us. He said that in 2012, we will not have a fight. Yup! I don't want to have a fight too, my dear Sleepyhead. It's very exhausting, you know? :-)

Just to share, last week I have a quite exciting holiday. For a week, I had a Java trip to Jogjakarta, Solo, and Semarang. I visited Malioboro, Tawangmangu, and Lawang Sewu. Not only the three places actually, but it needs so much time to mention all of the places--Kraton Jogja, Prambanan, Taman KB, Mesjid Agung Jawa Tengah, and many more. For the first time, I ate rabbit sate  and tahu gimbal. It's really delicious! Srluupp...

Prambanan Temple, Central Java, Indonesia

Gerojogan Sewu Waterfall, Tawangmangu, Central Java, Indonesia

Lawang Sewu, Central Java, Indonesia

Well, to avoid you of being jealous, I think I'll end my story here. Hihihi. See you! Don't forget to have good days and a good life from now on, fellas!! Hug and kiss. **widyakilaz**

It's gonna be the best birthday ever! :D

Nggak sabar pengen cepet2 tanggal 24 September. Kenapa? Tentu saja, wisudaaa!!! Walaupun wisuda itu cuma ceremony belaka, tapi kalo bertepatan sama ulang tahun gw yang ke-22, it's gonna be very very special! :D -kilaz

It's been 5 days since the last time we met. Aku kangen, Sayang!!!

Sebenernya gw udah biasa ditinggal-tinggal, nggak bisa ketemu. Seminggu nggak ketemu juga udah biasa. Tapi kalo nggak bisa ketemu karena dia tiba2 bilang lagi di jalan menuju stasiun mau ke Surabaya kok rasanya agak2 nggak ikhlas ya. Langsung kangen. Arrghh... Lebay deh gw. Tapi beneran agak2 sedih gitu. Oh God! I'm such an ababil!! (-__-") -kilaz

What the hell, I am being super sensitive again!

Am I too much if...

...I want to know every single things about you?
...I want to know about what's bothering you?
...I want to be your shoulder to cry on?
...I am jealous when you offer to pick up another girl so easily?
...I don't want you to be with me only when you're happy?
...I want to be the first person who knows everything about you?
...I want you to tell me your things, good or bad?

Damn. I am being super sensitive again, almost because of the same topic. I hate to feel this actually. But I can't help myself out. Do you know? I...sometimes cannot feel your love--when this feeling comes up. I feel being ignored. I feel that you don't need me like I need you. Sometimes I feel that you don't have time for me. But for your friends, you always do. Well, I know that I am not as precious as your friends who have known you for years. I'm new in your life. Should I ask you to choose: me or your friends?? This is too much. If I am asked the same questions, maybe I prefer to die. Arrghh...  I think I am just being silly. I still love you. Not even reduced. -kilaz

God Blesses the Final Year Student

Today is May 1st, and I promise myself to start to focus on my skripsi again. It's 2 months left, and I have to fix everything. The deadline is on my eyes, and I know I can do it. -kilaz

Nothing I can do except facing the reality!!! (>_<)

***TUHAN BERSAMA MAHASISWA TINGKAT AKHIR***

It's 7 o'clock in the morning, and I'm already in front of my computer doing nothing for my skripsi. It's not because I'm too enchanted by the Internet and its pleasures, but because I don't know what to write. I've never imagined that it will be this hard.

So far, I've been trying to revise three chapters which keep needing many materials. Okay, in fact my research proposal has not finished yet. Desperately, I have to add another research question, so I have three now. If the gossip is real, the skripsi preparation seminar will be held approximately 2 weeks later. God! Help.

Seeing or asking my topic, I really hate when some of my friends say that my qualitative study will be easy. They know nothing! A case study needs many things to do, in depth investigation. And now I'm stuck with it. I don't know what to do. I'm totally confused!!!!

Aaaaaaaa...............!!! I envy with my friends who have graduated.--Bella, Adek, Arma, Echi, Een, Chacha, Tami, Ochi, Ms.Sonya, and many more!!! I don't want to make any skripsi or whatever their names... Can I just go to schools and teach? I'm sure it will be more fun!!! Huhuhu.

Okay, I'm getting not realistic. Wake up, girl...!!! Fiewh! I think  need my friends now. It will be a lot of easier and more encouraging when doing it together. But it's hard to see each other now. We have difficulties in meeting our schedules. And it means that I have to depend on myself.

Dear mind.

This time I need your participation to think. I know that I rarely use you in my daily life, but please be nice with me now. I need you. Don't be stupid okay? Or, what do you need? I will give whatever you want when you finished helping me doing it. Candy? Ice cream? Travelling abroad? Singapore, deal? Okay, you obviously know I'm making an effort on it. I'm working hard to collect money to buy you and your body a ticket to backpack there. So, please mind. You will do it for me, won't you? :*

Hug and kiss.

You and Me Against the World

I've got a boyfriend now
He is my dearest pal
He'll always catch me when I fall
He's always there when I call

I just can't say how much I gratitude to have him beside me.  He's a friend, he's a pal, he's a dad, he's a teacher., he's a lover., and he's whom I want to be with right now. His love, his patient, his caring, and his everything are go along with me. What I did, what I am doing, and what I will do are done in the name of love. And it's true. Hold my heart, take care of it, don't disappoint me, then I'll promise that I will do the same. -kilaz

I love you because you plant butterflies in my tummy! :p

The Rainbow after the Rain

Laughter, best medicine...

Ada yang pernah denger kata-kata itu? Hehehe... Quote di atas itu sebenernya adalah nama salah satu rubrik di majalah Reader's Digest. Kalo kuliah di UNJ, Jurusan Bahasa dan Sastra Inggris, pasti udah familiar banget sama majalah ini, soalnya sering dipake di mata kuliah Functional Grammar.

Sebagai orang yang sedikit perfeksionis dan banyak maunya, gw udah ngebuktiin sendiri kalo tertawa itu bisa bikin perasaan yang sedih dan kecewa hilang, minimal berkurang. Gw gak suka sedih terlalu lama, dan nggak mau perasaan jelek menguasai diri gw. Karena faktanya, hal-hal yang membuat gw bahagia jumlahnya lebih banyak daripada hal-hal yang membuat gw sedih. Kadang kita nggak sadar karena kita udah terlalu terfokus sama kesedihan kita. Sebenernya, sekali-sekali kita perlu loh sedih... Soalnya dengan begitu, kita bisa menikmati gimana rasanya bahagia. Ada quotes yang gw suka banget:

RT @ihatequotes: Perhaps our eyes need to be washed by our tears once in a while, so that we can see Life with a clearer view again. -Alex Tan #ihatequotes

SETUJU BANGET!!! Abis ngerasa sedih, gw jadi sadar sendiri dan tinggal ngetawain aja tuh kesedihan gw. Then, (voila!) everything's gonna be okay as long as we believe it's gonna be.

Happy feelings will attract more happy circumstances.

Percaya nggak sama quote di atas? Gw percaya banget, dan udah terbukti. Gw sering banget nemuin situasi kayak gini di kampus. Kalo lagi ada temen gw yang lagi bete, gw dan temen-temen yang lain bisa ikutan bete juga. Sebaliknya, kalo lagi ada yang suasana hatinya bagus, kita juga jadi ikut seneng... Karena ternyata perasaan itu, biarpun gak keliatan bisa tetep dirasain. Hahaha. Namanya juga perasaan... Aduh, gw jadi belibet gini ngomongnya. Hahaha. Ya udah, gitu deh pokoknya... :p :p -kilaz-

The Scene of Somebody's Life

I've been trying so long to get in there. No matter how hard I've tried, I fail and keep failing. It's been the hardest time of my life, and it's never this hard. Patience is my last try, and I'm sick now. I've just realized that I'm not that strong. I need a hand to wipe my tears, just like the previous days which full of fears. I feel that it's coming, the time when I should give up and let it go. -kilaz-

Loosen the ties, so I can breathe again...

Laura Crescio, Breathe
Acrylic on canvas board
Federal Prison Camp, Greenville, Illinois

My Friends said: "Go get the one that you love..."

Yang namanya rahasia, akhirnya akan kebongkar juga... Hmm, masih terkait dengan postingan yang sebelumnya, akhirnya gw menyimpulkan kalo temen2 gw lebih mendukung kalo gw mengejar orang yang gw sayang, dengan catatan gw harus memastikan perasaan orang tersebut. Persyaratan yang sangat sulit buat gw. Selama ini, gw fine-fine aja kayak gini. Tapi lama-lama gerah juga. Pengen deh bilang terus terang. Sahabat gw, Uma bilang kayak gini:

Kalo emang ga kuat, maka sudahi saja. Dengan cara menurunkan sedikit ego dan gengsi dan kemudian katakan sejujurnya. Karena tak semua orang bisa disadarkan hanya dengan sindiran. Maka maksud utama lah yang harus diutarakan. Ini lebih baik daripada harus menyakiti hati sendiri terus menerus. :D Save the last bullet!

Save the last bullet. Itu kata-kata terakhir yang dibilang Uma. Ya. The last bullet itu emang harapan gw satu-satunya yang gw simpen selama berbulan-bulan. Well, banyak hal yang bikin gw bertahan sampe sekarang. Dia yang tidak peka itu, bahkan mungkin menganggap itu cuma lelucon. Gak ngerti, tapi gw ngerasa belom saatnya berterus terang tentang hal ini. Gw belum siap. Emang sih ketidakpekaan dia semakin lama semakin membuat gw sedih, tapi gw masih pengen selalu di samping dia, mungkin bukan sebagai pacar. Sahabat gw, Uwie, bilang kalo gw terlalu berharga untuk tersakiti seperti ini.

Sabar sayaaang, gak selamanya apa yang kita inginkan bisa menjadi milik kita. Emang bener, gak mudah untuk ngelepas itu semua. Tapi gak baik juga kalau kita terus terusan menyakiti diri kita sendiri.. Diri kamu terlalu berharga untuk itu.. :)

Hehehe. Pastilah sahabat kita bilang begitu. Namanya juga sahabat. Hmm... Cinta tidak harus memiliki. Pribahasa yang indah, tapi gw gak sepenuhnya setuju. Pribahasa itu, setelah gw pikir-pikir, cuma untuk menghibur orang yang cintanya bertepuk sebelah tangan. Hehehe. Mulai dah sotoy gw... Oia, senior gw, Ka Toni, bilang gini:

True love doesn't mean that U've gotta own someone, but how you give the best to someone U love to own something. God knows better what the best is for U, my dear. Don't waste your life span just for nothing, let it be, let it be. Let bygone be bygone. :-D

Maaf ka, tapi kayaknya aku tetep belum setuju. Hehehe... Ya udahlah. Mungkin dia yang tidak peka itu memang harus diingatkan dan disadarkan. Ya Allah, sadarkan dia. Masa sih selama ini gak sadar-sadar... Perasaan gw udah nunjukin kalo gw care sama dia. Dasar tidak peka. Udah berapa lama sih dia kenal gw? Kok gak sadar-sadar...? Ckckck. Aduh. Pusing jadinya. -kilaz-

Catatan Lama: Sebuah Jejak

Wild Thought in the Stupidity

It's hard to say that you're not okay
Because you believe no one will believe
Then you'll stand in the line of death
Waiting for your time to leave all behind
Showing that you dont see the way they do
You're stuck inside your thought
And you will be dead in the painful time
Without everyone and everything but revenge

Jakarta, 20 Februari 2010 (03:22)

 Gw baru sadar, kalo gw pernah bikin note ini di facebook gw. Hoho. Lupa kenapa gw bikin ini. -kilaz-

The World of Black and White

"Sometimes, it's hard to tell the truth..."

"It's not about anything but revenge..."

"I can't always be a good girl..."

"Maybe women seem to be fragile, but actually they're unbelievably unbreakable!"

Ini beberapa foto yang gw edit pake photoshop. Memang terkesan kaku, tapi beberapa hal di dunia ini memang tidak punya warna. Hanya ada hitam dan putih saja. -kilaz-