Showing posts with label not. Show all posts
Showing posts with label not. Show all posts

July 13, 2011

A song for your suck ex-lover: I'm not sorry there's nothing to save...

I've found a song when I was watching Daydream Nation movie. The song is cool. It tells about Someone who meet his/her ex-lover long after they broke up. The ex was suck. (S)he left Someone for unknown reasons. It left the worst pain for Someone. But after some times, everything's changed. Someone's turned from an ugly duckling into a lovely swan. When they meet again, the ex sees the change, but the wound which the ex made would never be healed flown away. "It's a fleck on my porcelain skin." Someone said.
This is the song: Your Ex-Lover is Dead by Stars.
God that was strange to see you again
Introduced by a friend of a friend
Smiled and said 'yes I think we've met before'
In that instant it started to pour
Captured a taxi despite all the rain
We drove in silence across Pont Champlain
And all of the time you thought I was sad
I was trying to remember your name...
This scar is a fleck on my porcelain skin
Tried to reach deep but you couldn't get in
Now you're outside me
You see all the beauty
Repent all your sin
It's nothing but time and a face that you lose
I chose to feel it and you couldn't choose
I'll write you a postcard
I'll send you the news
From a house down the road from real love...
Live through this, and you won't look back...
Live through this, and you won't look back...
Live through this, and you won't look back...
There's one thing I want to say, so I'll be brave
You were what I wanted
I gave what I gave
I'm not sorry I met you
I'm not sorry it's over
I'm not sorry there's nothing to save
I'm not sorry there's nothing to save...
Now, Someone has forgotten the ex. Someone's moved on. For someone, the ex is dead. The scar is still there, but Someone will never be the same. The ex? The ex lives in regret. How poor.  -kilaz

June 25, 2011

Home (NOT) Sweet Home

McD Taminisquare
Sabtu, 25 Juni 2011
15:08 WIB

Halo, gw lagi ada di McD sekarang. McD kedua untuk hari ini (sebelumnya gw ke McD Arion). Soalnya gw lagi males banget di rumah. Gw sebel. Gw lagi dilarang ketemu sering2 sama Uda. Emang sih, akhir2 ini emang seriiiinnnggg banget. Tapi kan kangen. Sebenernya alasan lain kenapa gw selalu pengen ketemu Uda adalah, karena gw kesepian di rumah. Sepi banget. Di rumah sebesar itu, gw cuma bertiga. Bapak, Ibu, dan gw.

I am so lonely...
Sebenernya gw bukan anak tunggal. Gw punya kakak dan adik laki2. Mas Aji dan Imam. Mas Aji, udah nikah. Sekarang bukan punya gw lagi. Nggak bisa sering2 kayak dulu, nggak bisa minta muter2 naik motor lagi kayak dulu, nggak bisa manja2 lagi. Sedih juga sih sebenernya, merasa kehilangan banget. Gw udah kebiasaan bareng dia, tergantung sama dia, ngerasa aman di deket dia. Dan sekarang bawaannya nggak enak dan berjarak kalo mau ngapa2in. Ya iyalah ya, kan udah beristri. Gw dulu deket banget sama Mas Aji. Beda umurnya cuma dua tahun sih, hampir nggak pernah berantem. Mas Aji nikahnya cepet banget. Kayak langsung direbut gitu aja. Gw masih butuh abang. Kenapa sih cepet banget dia perginya. Kadang suka nggak ikhlas dia nikah. Tapi mau gimana lagi. Mau nggak mau harus terima kalo dia udah milik yang lain, meskipun, yeah, dia masih abang gw.

Imam, adek gw, kuliah di Undip Semarang. Sekarang udah mau tahun ketiga. Gw juga dulu deket banget sama dia (sampe sekarang sih). Dulu di rumah gw sering bercanda sama dia, berantem juga sering sih (hehe). Makanya kangeeennn... Gw pengen dia cepet pulang. Kalo dia pulang bawaannya pengen meluk2, gw cium2, gw cubit2, gw ajak jalan2, gw gangguin tidur, gw kelitikin, pokoknya semua2nya deh. Cepetan pulang kek, sepi banget di rumah. Adek gw lucu dan ngangenin banget. Apalagi sekarang, pasti dia punya cerita2 lucu selama dia bermukim di Semarang. Hehehe.

Gw sayang banget sama abang dan adek gw. Karena jarak umurnya cuma dua tahun kali ya, jadi deket banget. Dan kita bertiga cenderung nggak pernah berantem. Dekeeetttt....banget. Percaya atau nggak, dulu waktu gw SMA dan kuliah awal2, gw sering cemburu sama pacar2nya Mas Aji dan Imam. Gw ngerasa mereka direbut sama cewek2 itu. Gw sering banget nangis di kamar kalo malem, kalo mereka pulang dari sekolah atau kuliah langsung masuk kamar, ngunci pintu, telpon2an sama pacar2 mereka dan nggak peduliin gw. Padahal saat2 itulah gw mau bareng2 mereka. Bahkan di kampus gw juga sering nangis kalo sampe kampus kepagian dan inget2 hal itu. Kalo nggak percaya, tanya aja Bella (temen kuliah gw). Dia sering nenangin (dan ngetawain) gw kalo lagi nangis.

Me and My Brothers
Sekarang? Gw emang udah nggak cemburu. Gw bahagia udah punya Uda tempat gw berbagi cerita. Sebenernya gw deket banget sama Bapak dan Ibu. Gw selalu cerita sama mereka kalo ada apa2. Tapi nggak semua hal bisa gw ceritain ke mereka. Gw kadang cuma mau cerita, mau berkeluh kesah. Kadang gw nggak butuh nasehat, gw cuma butuh ngeluarin yang gw rasain. Tapi mereka nggak bisa kayak gitu. Mereka masih cuma menjadi orang tua dan pendidik. Terutama Bapak. Beliau selalu melihat hal secara objektif. Sifat yang bagus, tapi kadang gw nggak butuh itu. Gw cuma butuh didenger dan didukung. Dan hal itu kadang cuma bisa dilakuin sama Uda dan temen2 gw. Mereka nggak sepenuhnya cuma dengerin kok, tapi mereka punya cara mereka sendiri bersimpati dan berempati sama gw, dan menasehati gw tentunya.

Saat ini, cuma Uda yang bisa jadi a boyfriend, a brother, a father, a bestfriend, a lover, an advisor, a teacher, a shoulder to cry on, a carrier, a doctor, a nurse, a superhero, a supporter, and them whom I need di waktu yang sama. Cuma Uda.
 
Home Sweet Home
Gw belom pernah ngerasa nggak betah di rumah, baru akhir2 aja. Baru akhir2 ini juga gw suka ngunci diri di kamar. Dan baru akhir2 ini gw suka ngabisin waktu di luar daripada di rumah. Gw agak sedih juga sih. Rumah dengan segala fasilitasnya seharusnya jadi tempat persembunyian teraman dan ternyaman buat gw, tapi gw sedang nggak ngerasain itu semua. Mudah2an aja ini nggak berlangsung lama. Gw kangen rumah yang rame kayak dulu, rumah yang nggak penuh beban, rumah yang demokratis, rumah yang fun, rumah yang nggak cuma nyetel Mamah Dedeh dan berita, rumah yang bisa buat ol seharian, rumah yang nyaman buat ngajak temen2 main dan nginep, rumah yang dulu--santai tapi mendidik, the most safe and comfortable place in the world. -kilaz

May 21, 2011

This is not a "Bizzare Love Triangle", because no one can slip between us...



"We are only humans who have too much love to be shared alone." -kilaz

April 24, 2011

Not with Me, Bondan Prakoso & Fade 2 Black (Lirik)

I'm walking up from my summers dreams again
try to thinking if you're alright
then I'm shattered by the shadows of your eyes
knowing you're still here by my side

I can see you if you're not with me
I can say to my self if you're okay
I can feel you if you're not with me
I can reach you my self, you show me the way

life was never be so easy as it seems
'till you come and bring your love inside
no matter space and distance make it look so far
still I know you're still here by my side

I can see you if you're not with me
I can say to my self if you're okay
I can feel you if you're not with me
I can reach you my self, you show me the way

yeah..you've made me so alive, you give the best for me..love and fantasy
yeah..and i never feel so lonely, coz you're always here with me..yeah..always here with me

I can see you if you're not with me
I can say to my self if you're okay
I can feel you if you're not with me
I can reach you my self, you show me the way

I'm walking up from my summers dreams again
try to thinking if you're alright
then I'm shattered by the shadows of your eyes
knowing you're still here by my side

**********

Somehow I think maybe Bondan made this for us, Sayang. -kilaz

March 13, 2011

August 24, 2010

No Hard Feeling

I cant hold these tears from falling. My heart's broken and fixed, again and again. You're so mean, but you mean so much too. I just wanna kill this feeling, not even want to remember. I cry, just to let go. I want to let go. If I can turn back time, I want to hold my heart so tight that I will never lose it. I want to get back to the time when everything's okay. When I still see you as a friend, not a man. Well, it just happened. I want to fix everything. I will. No hard feeling. -kilaz-

August 17, 2010

I'm sorry for being not okay...

I just cant tell anybody how I feel... I dont trust anyone right now. I dont know why, but anytime I notice such situations, it burns. And I just can say nothing, except my heart, because it cries. So, sorry for being not okay. And I'm really not okay, at least until this time I write this post. -kilaz-
RT @ihatequotes I'd rather have 1 Best Friend than have 100 fake friends. #DamnItsTrue

July 7, 2010

No Clue

Sumpah, sakit banget!! Gw gak bisa kayak gini. Bener-bener gak bisa diharapkan. Damn! Tega banget jadi orang. Kalo gini terus, gw gak tahan. Gila!! Gw nyeraaaah....!! (>_<) -kilaz-

May 28, 2010

I am not emo...

"Losing Grips"
"I am not emo!" Hehehe. Keren. Pertama kali liat kata-kata ini di friendsternya salah satu anak jurusan bahasa Indonesia. Btw, maap ya nge-quote kata-katanya tanpa ijin. Ngomong-ngomong, sebenernya gw gak terlalu ngerti emo itu apa. Yang gw tau, emo itu identik sama black , tears, and sadness. Hohoho. Sotoy banget. -kilaz-

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Me and My Boyfriend

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