Di Rumah Uda (Part 1)

Halo halo. Ini postingan kedua gw hari ini.

Sekarang gw lagi ada di rumah Uda loh. Rame di sini. Ada Mama, Dinda (adeknya), adek sepupunya, Vini (adeknya yang satu lagi) sama temen2nya. Gw sama Uda udah menguasai lapak di ruang tamu, jadi yang laen harus nyari tempat laen buat basecamp. Hahaha. Uda tidur masa. Ckck. Udah dimarahin Mama padahal... Gw lagi ngebajak film2 dari laptop Uda sambil dengerin lagunya Avril.

Sambil nungguin copyan film, gw nyanyi2 aja, ngeliatin Uda tidur. Mukanya lucu deh pas lagi tidur. Well, for your information, film yang gw download totalnya 90,3 gb. Itu belom semua. Belom ngopi yang dari Harddisk Eksternalnya Uda. Hahaha. Pembajakan besar2an! :))

Aduh, bingung mau nulis apalagi. Udah dulu ah... -kilaz

Tanggal 30 ke-6

Hari ini tanggal 30 ke-6 sejak 30 November 2010. Dan artinya gw udah ngelewatin 6 bulan bareng Uda. Banyak yang terjadi selama 6 bulan ini. Uda bilang, gw banyak berubah.

Maafin aku ya Uda. Aku jadi sering bersikap kekanak-kanakan.

"All you need is love." All I need is you. I love you Uda. You're the man I want to be with, for now (and maybe for the rest of my life).

Tapi percaya deh. Dengan semua yang udah terjadi, dengan segala kegalauan yang akhirnya bukan cuma nyakitin gw tapi juga Uda, rasa sayang gw malah semakin jadi. Sedih juga sih, ternyata perubahan gw bikin Uda pusing. Gw juga nggak ngerti kenapa gw sering cengeng. Hm, sebenernya gw dari dulu cengeng sih. Tapi gw selalu nyembunyiin dan berhasil. Akhir2 ini yang sering gagal. Tapi gw nggak mau sedih2 lagi, nggak mau Uda sedih juga. Waktu kemaren gw lagi kambuh, masa Uda bilang gini:

"Kalo kamu lagi nangis, aku yang jadi nyesek."

Hal yang paling bikin gw ngerasa bersalah adalah gw suka nggak percaya sama Uda. Gw suka mikir, Uda nggak peduli sama gw, dy ada apa2 sama cewe lain. Bego ya gw. Dan gw nyesel, karena gw tau juga gimana rasanya nggak dipercaya, apalagi sama orang yang disayang. Terlambat nggak ya buat memperbaiki sikap gw? Gw sayang banget sama Uda. Gw pengen tetep sama dy. Gw mau Uda yang terakhir. Gw nggak mau sama yang lain lagi. Because I find myself safe beside him. Because I want him to be in my life. -kilaz

What the hell, I am being super sensitive again!

Am I too much if...

...I want to know every single things about you?
...I want to know about what's bothering you?
...I want to be your shoulder to cry on?
...I am jealous when you offer to pick up another girl so easily?
...I don't want you to be with me only when you're happy?
...I want to be the first person who knows everything about you?
...I want you to tell me your things, good or bad?

Damn. I am being super sensitive again, almost because of the same topic. I hate to feel this actually. But I can't help myself out. Do you know? I...sometimes cannot feel your love--when this feeling comes up. I feel being ignored. I feel that you don't need me like I need you. Sometimes I feel that you don't have time for me. But for your friends, you always do. Well, I know that I am not as precious as your friends who have known you for years. I'm new in your life. Should I ask you to choose: me or your friends?? This is too much. If I am asked the same questions, maybe I prefer to die. Arrghh...  I think I am just being silly. I still love you. Not even reduced. -kilaz

A Brief Report about My Research Proposal Seminar

Well, finally I did it. Today I had my research proposal presented. Not really satisfying, but I am one step ahead now. It's like a hell last days. Luckily I have great Mom and Dad, great boy, and great friends that always support me. I love you so much! There are many things to be reconcepted, to be consulted, to be corrected. But I'm sure I can do it. Bachelor degree, I'm coming to get to you!!! :D -kilaz

This is not a "Bizzare Love Triangle", because no one can slip between us...

 

"We are only humans who have too much love to be shared alone." -kilaz

A Letter for You

Dear, MP.

Maaf atas sikap aku belakangan ini yang sangat nggak dewasa, cengeng, dan membingungkan. Hari ini aku nangis untuk yang kesekian kalinya dengan alasan yang nggak jelas. Dan membuat kamu pusing tentunya. Tapi aku nggak mau kayak gitu lagi. Aku beruntung deh, dengan kondisi aku yang lagi kayak gitu, kamu masih sabar dan mau nemuin aku. Tadi di motor, aku pinjam bahu kamu diam-diam untuk menyapu air mata aku yang tersisa. Bener-bener nenangin. Lama-lama aku nyesel sendiri kenapa aku harus sedih waktu kamu lagi nggak sama aku, dan kenapa aku mesti takut terus mikir yang nggak-nggak tentang kamu. Makasi atas hari ini Sayang. Kamu bener2 nyembuhin kesedihan dan kegalauan aku, membuat aku makin sayang dan yakin sama kamu. I love you, Sayang. -kilaz

Dear Lover

I really can't handle this alone. I can't always do everything by myself. I don't only need a lover but also a partner, a friend, a brother, a dad, an advisor, a teacher, a leader, and it seems you're not ready to be any of them. It's always up to me, and you just don't give solution. Moreover, you don't rarely get away. And it just makes me feel worse. I love you, so much. Nobody can ever doubt that. But Dear, I'm really in a bad confusion. I need you to help me, to figure it out. I can't really do this alone. -kilaz

"A Secret Makes a Woman Woman" -unknown

I laughed, then I cried. Then I laughed again. Frequently. You might never see me cry, but I did it a lot (behind your back). I am both angel and demon. I've got so much sh*ts in me, I admit. I'm not good at lying, but it doesn't mean that I never lie or would never lie. You can call me a drama queen, and I won't get mad at you for calling me so. I'm not what you think, and I'm actually not that invincible also to say that I don't care about what people say or think about me. Me is me. Just me. I don't have a crown to push people doing what I want, but sometimes I can do it without the crown. Somehow I have the influence. Not always, of course. Because indeed, I'm not having the fortunate cookies. You know? I am very reluctant to be said as an ordinary girl, because I am really not. Yes, I'm so special that I won't let people, anyone, hurt me. Because if they do, I will do the same. Eyes for eyes, right? -kilaz

Jayme Dee, Another Cool Girl

Just like usual, I'd love to surf any of the internet contents. And what I'm used to do is surfing videos. Well, when I'm signing in my YouTube account, I found this cool girl accidentally. Her name is Jayme Dee. She sings and plays guitar. She uploaded many videos covering many songs from various artists. This is her account if you'd like to see her. She started her debut in 2010 with a single: Love Whiplash which she wrote herself. You can also download the song from here. And, here is the lyric: 

Love Whiplash!

Written by Jayme Mackinga
and Adam Stidham

I never know if you're serious
It's all so vague and mysterious
With me and you
Just when I think we're on solid ground
You pull the rug out and knock me down

Are you just trying to play with me?
Do you get joy from my misery?
I'd like to think
It's just a phase and we'll work it out
But you keep jerking my heart around

Now I've caught a classic case of love whiplash
You push me off and then you pull me back
Please could you tell me if you're being sincere
Cause darlin' I can't stand to cry another tear

I'm losing count of the damages
My heart is covered in bandages, it's what you do
I'm not so hard to accommodate
Just get a clue or get on your way

Cause now I've caught a classic case of love whiplash
You push me off and then you pull me back
Please could you tell me if you're being sincere
Cause darlin' I can't stand to cry another tear

It's not a long conversation
Don't want to waste all your precious time
It's not a difficult equation
A simple yes or no will do fine

Cause I've got a bad case of love whiplash
Now I've caught a bad case of love whiplash
Yeah, now, now, now,

Now I've caught a classic case of love whiplash
You broke my heart and now you want it back
Please could you tell me if you're being sincere
Cause darlin' I can't stand to cry another tear

Now I've caught a bad case of love whiplash, oh, oh
Now I've caught a bad case of love whiplash!

This is really a good song from a cool singer. She sings perfectly. Enjoy! :) -kilaz

God Blesses the Final Year Student

Today is May 1st, and I promise myself to start to focus on my skripsi again. It's 2 months left, and I have to fix everything. The deadline is on my eyes, and I know I can do it. -kilaz